Thursday, July 2, 2015

* * * Single, Not Dating & Celibacy * * *

 " Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. " 1 Cor. 6:19 (from the New International Version)

As a born again "virgin" , I've learned and experienced a few things along the way. Number 1 it's NOT easy to break old habits. I was having a hard time detaching myself from my personal unhealthy habits (insecurities, looking for approval) and the "wordly" wisdom I grew up with (advice in magazines) Don't get me wrong, some of the advice was useful but as a person that was heartbroken I couldn't trust and rely on myself anymore.

So the journey of my celibacy started right after I got saved in January 2013. Because I didn't trust myself I decided not to date either in that same year (and I am still not dating). It wasn't difficult because I was in a new relationship with GOD and getting to know Him better (including jesus and the holy spirit) and after He revealed my life purpose, my attention wasn't so much with dating anymore. Of course I got approched by a few guys but I really need(ed) Jesus to act "wisely" when I was around them. I've experienced the "hard" way that there was no point in trying to prove that I could handle any temptation that was "presented" to me. Uhm like no way! Now I also understand better why God says in the bible "flee from temptation - Don' t fight it" . That was definitely a learning moment for me. If you are wondering what I did...... I kissed a guy. Maybe not that much of a big deal you may think but I know for certain you will agree with me that it all starts with something innocent and before you know it it's already too late. I know, I know everyone is different and some may not feel the adrenaline after kissing but for me personally it's a no go. Because a passionate kiss is my weakpoint and that's why (after that experience - and from the past) I've told GOD that I want to save my "first" kiss for my future husband. 

In the past I never really took the time to bond with someone on a emotional level. I always "thought" that it was normal to give myself (body) to someone.  That was my way of expresssing my love to the person I was in a relationship with. But actually the opposite happend. Because deep down inside it didn't feel like it was true love. Sometimes I would feel ashamed or not worthy. Even though I was in relationships, deep down inside it felt wrong and I didn't like the feeling. (I never gave all of me to the person - my soul - my vulnerable side & trusting that person completely)

Looking back in my youth I really never had a "rolemodel"  or someone who could teach and explain to me why it is important not to be intimate with someone you actually don't really now (doesn't matter how long you're in a relationship with that person - if sex is the first bond you made, it will dominate and control over your relationship - I've experienced it myself

This may sound weird what I am about to say but actually I am happy that I went through what I went through because I've learned and experienced personally, why it's so important to cherish your body and don't give away your virginity. I was thinking about it today and I respect myself so much more and I don't want to just have sex with someone (dating or not) just to "keep" the person or relationship going or get approval for my outer beauty. I also used to do it just to forget my unhappy moment(s).

Ladies (and this is for you too guys) don't just give your body away just because you "think" that the person you are in a relationship with might be the "one". If that's the right person he or she will respect your choice for not having sex untill you are ready. And if I may add after you get married. This is also an important note because I never realized how important it is to wait with having sex untill you get married. I've never realized it but having sex with so many different persons can have a BIG impact on your soul and heart. No human being can take this lighty. Yes it's your body but no one wants to end up hurt, feeling ashamed, confused, used, unworthy. Our body is meant to be for one person (next to the holy spirit living in us - as a born again christian). That person who has the grace, love and kindness you are looking for. That person that was put on this planet to stand by your side and help you fulfill your Godly purpose. Marriage is not just for fun and enjoying each other companies and just "living life". Yes of course we can enjoy life and create our personal and happy moments but we mustn't forget that in our marriage Jesus Christ is our foundation & our purpose to help and serve others. 

I'll be honest. It can get lonely sometimes . One time I explained to a guy why I wanted to wait with kissing and having sex, untill I was married. He said that it's not possible anymore to do that in today's society (well I can't argue with that because almost everywhere you turn to it has something to do with "sex") and that I wouldn't make it. I can't remember what I said exactly but I am so happy he "challenged" me by saying that to me because I am not doing this anymore to please someone (with my body) but knowing my self worth and treating myself with the respect I didn't had before 2013. 

If I could say this to my teenage self I would say: hold on to your values (not having sex and waiting for the right person that has the divine connection with you). Don't let society or anyone talk you into saying that it is okay to have sex and that it's normal. It's not! It's not worth the heartbreak, it's not worth the empty feeling sometimes, it's not worth you feeling lost and unconsciously doing something someone "convinced" you to do.

Finally my thoughts about dating. As I mentioned before I am not dating and I don't want to either because I am keeping my focus on Jesus Christ and also pursuing my Godly Dreams and Goals - check out what I am up to >>> Create A Colorful Life  When I stay occuppied I don't feel lonely or left out because I know that in the right time God will send the right person on my path. If you think it through for a second, dating can actually be a "distraction" and keeping you away to focus on building your relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit (God's spirit). Wouldn't you just spend more time with our Heavenly Father to find out and discover how He sees you, reveal to you what your Godly purpose is, renew your mind (soul), take away old habits that are not in line with His word (bible) and replace them with the pure and Godly values that were already deep down inside of you? 

Being celibate for 2 years and almost 6 months now, I've experienced that my previous way of thinking (my uncertainty, unworthy feeling) is completely gone! I am beginning to see myself the way God has always seen me ~ my worth in Jesus, self love, my true identity, inner beauty, fearless, strong, unique ~ I don't have to compete anymore or get approved by using my body as a "tool", to let the other person "see" what I am worth. It's already inside of me (has always been) and the right person will recognize this as well!

How will I know if I've met the "right" person? I'll just know it when I'll know it. Of course I will ask him a lot of questions (does he believe in Jesus, how is his relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, do we share the same values, what are his goals for the next five years and so on) but it's also important how your spirit reacts to the person (divine connection between the both of you). But with everything you do it's major important to involve the Holy spirit in every step. Because if our mindset is not in line with GOD (bible - how he sees us) then we can make decision based on our own thoughts and feelings (soul & heart) . That's why it's so important to always be led by the holy spirit and keep Jesus at the center of our lives. Without Him we are going to live and think on a worldy level or our own way of thinking and acting on it eventually. Our "flesh" will never be satisfied! No matter how great or kind you are, we all have faults and sometimes we can "break" down or feel a little bit empty even though we have the best support we can wish for. But when we always first go to Jesus Christ, He can give us what we need and long for and that no human being (not even your children) can satisfy you with. Well to be honest I prefer "resting" in His presence and learning what He is showing and learning me on how to be a better person and treat myself and my other half with the kindness and love Jesus treates me with everyday!

I am a much happier person now and I am proud of myself. But I couldn't have done this without the strength and love of Jesus and the Holy Spirit! Living a Pure Lifestyle is not (always) easy. Especially when we are living in a world where temptation can be just around the corner (general and personal weakness of every person). We have our own will to make a decision but if we know deep down inside that something isn't right, we should not follow our "feelings" just to get satisfied. Every choice we make has consequences - whether it's a good one or bad one in your opinion - the results will come after you've made the decision. 

The Holy spirit never forces me to do something. He brings the situation to my attention and tries to warn me about it. If I still don't "listen", He will lead me gently away from the situation (a closed door, or no respond from the person) and afterwards I'll realize (I will get a clear understanding) what He was trying to prevent me from. So when somethings happen and you don't understand why it isn't working? Don't force it and be thankfull that God pulled you away or prevented you from that situation.

This year I've realized more then ever that this life here on earth is just temporary and all the materialistic things will be gone one day! When we leave this planet we will have Eternal Life (only Jesus Christ is the doorway to heaven). What do you value more? A temporarly life on earth? Or pursuing the Dreams and Goals GOD has put in your spirit (in your single season or your marriage).

Let's choose wisely each single day when we wake up and live or life here on this planet.

Thank you for stopping by and reading my blog

Be good & stay positive

Much love

- Lin - 


  1. I had that similar experience to almost. Indeed stay true to yourself and love yourself more before you love another.

    1. Thanks for the comment & sharing your thoughts Duncan! You said it right :) . Have a lovely and blessed day.

  2. This was a very insightful post. I am glad that you are happy with your new lifestyle and growing faith. It seems as though you've been through a lot (I wish you didn't feel so lost in the past) but now, you are able to reflect, inspire, encourage and advise others like me...a total stranger. Your words carry so much truth that I cannot ignore. I love the thought of people saving the better parts of themselves until after marriage. Have you ever heard a true love story that depicts those ideals? They're marvelous! But, the pressure is all around and most of us would rather not be a part of such a story. I want a fairy tale turned reality but I fear the worst...or "feared" the worst. I might just change my outlook once more, that is, thanks to your article. :)

    -New Follower-

    Olive Needs Popeye

    1. Hi there Jho R and thanks for commenting & sharing your thoughts (including your blogpost - very sad but true in the world we live in. I am always a hopefull thinker, so I really do hope & pray that people will think twice before they do something that is irresponsible)

      Happy to hear that this article inspired you <3 ( that's always my aim - to inspire someone through my personal stories) . Hahaha yes I believe in a true love story/ a fairy tale as well ( what can I say I have a romantic soul :) . It can be tough in today's society but at the end of the day we get to decide what we do or choose. Hold on tight. If I can do it - YOU CAN DEFINITELY DO IT!

      Thanks for adding me to the list. Will keep in touch. Have a lovely day & God bless